Stories: Family Edition vol. 4

I thought it would be good to give you all a chance to get to know my family a little better through having them share the past year in their own words. Grieving the loss of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend looks different. Through each story, our goal is to give you a picture of how this year has transformed us. May you be encouraged by their humility and transparency as they share the pain of death, the hope Jesus offers, and everything else in between.

Here is Danielle's story:

“Mommy, could I send a picture to Auntie Lanny?”

“Umm…well…I’m sorry Crosby, we can’t.” (holding back tears)

“Why not?”

“Crosby, the mail doesn’t get delivered in heaven, but I just know Auntie Lanny would love it.”

Conversations with our two girls have been the most difficult over the past year.  I have struggled with what to say, how to say it and whether or not I should say anything at all. Children are so innocent and curious.  As a mom, this is has been one of the hardest things I’ve wrestled with.  My heart hurts for all of our littles who’ve spent limited time with their Auntie Lanny/mommy.  Our girls, our nieces, our nephew, the littles. 

Our memories of Leanne, have now become our girls memories of her.  Stories of a week spent at a cabin in Wisconsin, Thanksgiving in Iowa, holiday and summer time fun, sweet hand crafted gifts, kitty shirts, dress ups, and family photos are just some of the memories we share.  We look through scrapbooks and photo albums, talking about amazing time spent with Leanne.  Auntie Lanny comes up daily.

As a parent, we want to protect our children from the sadness in this world.  This has been nearly impossible over this past year.  I have looked to my heavenly father over and over asking him for help.  Help in knowing how to share my memories of Leanne.  Help in knowing the right things to say during those difficult conversations with Crosby.  Help in processing this overwhelmingly sad loss.  Help in keeping it together as a mommy and a wife.

One of the very last things Leanne spoke to us is that, “God’s got this!”  God, our heavenly father, has everything under control.  Time and time again I have found comfort in that He is in control. God’s faithfulness throughout this year has been amazing.  He seems to know just when we need glimpse of Leanne.  One day it’s finding an old handwritten note from her.  The next, it’s watching our girls imaginations run wild with their dress ups from Auntie Lanny.  God’s got this!

There are days that are really difficult.  God never promised us things would be easy.  What makes it easier is to talk about Leanne.  I love sharing her with our girls.  And I am looking forward to telling our unborn daughter all about her Auntie Lanny. 

We are so appreciative of all of your prayers as you’ve followed this difficult journey with us.  Your notes and text of encouragements came at just the right time.  Your acts of kindness are appreciated more than you know.  We are blessed to be surrounded by such amazing friends and family.