Stories: Family Edition vol. 2

I thought it would be good to give you all a chance to get to know my family a little better through having them share the past year in their own words. Grieving the loss of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend looks different. Through each story, our goal is to give you a picture of how this year has transformed us. May you be encouraged by their humility and transparency as they share the pain of death, the hope Jesus offers, and everything else in between.

Here is Tim's story:

There is still nothing easy about this. 

There is no part of Leanne’s journey where I didn’t doubt for a second that our sovereign God was in control. I still today look back and forward and see God’s plan unfolding. People that Leanne’s story/life touched and seeing God work in their lives. Untold stories of the impact of her life on those around her in such tiny ways which were incredibly evident that God had a hand in each one. That doesn't mean it wasn't/isn't incredibly difficult. 

I vaguely remember October 2011 and the news Leanne had cancer. Going to Minnesota and surrounding her and knowing God was doing the same for us. 

From there the updates came and went. Some good some bad but Leanne never wavered. I remember many google hangouts where nothing seemed to rattle her. What strength, what faith. She may have been beat up, tired, barely able to stay awake but at no point was there wavering, no pity parties, none of it. Just utter resilience and trust in God. 

That's the one thing that sticks with me through all of this is Leanne's strength and faith in the face of all she went through. I remember seeing her at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and in the summer after treatments had wiped her out. When she could barely keep her eyes open but there was never any questioning about God's purpose or her role as an ambassador for Him through all of this. 

I can recall all the people who reached out to and served Leanne through all of this. From the meals, the diapers that got dropped off , babsitting Leo, and all along you knew God was in control and sent His earthly angels to watch over her. 

So we jump forward to May 17, 2014 when Leanne was admitted to the hospital for some fluids and a checkup because she wasn't feeling well. This was on a Saturday and I remember the texts that Leanne was in the hospital. We prayed and asked God to watch over and heal her. Wrap her up in his arms and let her feel no pain. 

Monday morning was just like any other for me then my dad called and said Leanne's cancer had grown bigger than we had ever thought and her body was failing her and we needed to come see her right away. I happened to be picking up a field trip in a bus and my wife was on the same campus so I went to tell her in person. I had just hung up with my dad when got to her classroom and she just crumpled in my arms.

Not to say we took these things for granted, but we always trusted in Gods plan. We just never thought this would be the what his plan was. It makes you step back and ask: Do I really trust gods plan or just my version of what I want him to do?

We were only a week away form school being done and some great people took care of everything for us so we could go. We got on a flight and had some delays at the airport which was infuriating, but we got to the hospital that night and saw Leanne. Words can't really describe what I felt, so I'm not really going go try now. 

We spent the next 16 hours looking to the Lord for strength. Even though she wouldn't hurt or suffer anymore this was still hard. I had gone back to the house to help with the kids with Katie and then we got this.

We dropped everything and went to the hospital. She had gone to be with her Heavenly Father. I think we were all a little jealous(her being with her Heavenly Father!) but the pain was there. 

She was gone.

Not forever, we will see her again, we are promised that. 

The condolences started to come in but also the stories.  This is where you start see God's plan take shape. The amount of people she touched even as she battled cancer is mind blowing. Let's put it this way: it was a God thing all along. No other explanation is possible. She was an incredibly faithful servant in the midst of her cancer. God never ceased to be the center of her life. I don't need to tell you that because all of you that saw her saw it all the time.

The pain isn't gone, but God's plan is taking shape. Leanne had many things that she relied on to keep her mind and heart strong during her battle: her bible, devotionals, cards, texts, and music. One of the groups she turned me onto was Hillsong Young and Free. Their song "Sinking Deep" has been my go to song for the last year. It's alarm in the morning, I listen to it 5x a day, easy. When they played it at church a few weeks ago for the first time ever I absolutely lost it in the middle of the service. 

The chorus goes like this: 

I'm wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace

And all my heart is yours

All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into

Your love, oh your love. 

Leanne's whole heart was Gods no question. And she breathed him into every second of her life which is maybe why she had no fear about what her life would look like even if this was a possibility. 

As the past year has come and gone and we are close to celebrating Leanne's passing I think of this song often and I just want to Sink Deeper into the arms of Christ every day. This is where we will know the true joy, love, and contentment of our relationship with our Heavenly Father that Leanne knew throughout her life. 

Thanks,
Tim