Stories: Family Edition vol. 3

I thought it would be good to give you all a chance to get to know my family a little better through having them share the past year in their own words. Grieving the loss of a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend looks different. Through each story, our goal is to give you a picture of how this year has transformed us. May you be encouraged by their humility and transparency as they share the pain of death, the hope Jesus offers, and everything else in between.

Here is Fran's story:

May 20, 2014...the day my life changed forever. The day my precious daughter Leanne Joy left this earth for her forever home in Heaven. Though this last year has been hard I have felt God
present in my pain. God knows my sorrow and pain and sees my broken heart.  No matter how painful my situation is Jesus brings me Hope.  There are days when I feel like rejecting this Hope and instead choose despair but somehow I always return to God and allow Him to light my path

     Cancer and suffering has given me and our family the beautiful gift of perspective. It is the gift we never wanted, the gift wrapped in confusion and brokenness and heartbreak. It is the gift that stripped other ideas of living from us completely. The beautiful ugly raising to the surface of the importance of each and every moment and each and every person in that moment.  We are more intentional with what we do. We pray together.  We spend more time together. We cry often.  We hug more.  We love BIG.

     Early on in Leanne's cancer journey a friend who had walked the cancer journey told me this -" Walk the road each day one foot in front of the other with God by your side, not looking down the road but walking the road."  I have to be honest and say that there are some days that I would rather stay in bed with the covers pulled up high instead of getting up and facing whatever lays before me that day...but my family needs me and depends on me.  I often think that if Leanne could fight cancer with everything she had and never ever quit, how can I quit??? She inspires me even today to get up, get dressed and face the day and Thankfully God is with me - keeping me healthy in body and mind and able to take care things.

     Over the past year I have learned to live with the loss of Leanne.  I don't like it, I live with it. I talk about Leanne and share about her each day.  This brings comfort to me.  Please know that you won't offend me if you mention Leanne's name.  She is part of our family and always will be.  I need you to ask about her if you have questions.  I love talking about her. 

     Jesus' hands and feet have embraced our family over the last year.  Family, friends, neighbors, pastors, co-workers and many more - Thank You.  WE could never do this without each of you.  Thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to care for us.  Please know that your continued prayers are appreciated. 

     Please don't be afraid to ask me how I am doing,  and if my answer if OK please understand.  Some days are harder than others.  This grief journey is a hard one.  You should not lose a child.  Leanne was a beautiful daughter who allowed me to care for her each day of her life and especially through the hard of cancer.  She allowed me to take care of her boys - Ryan and Leo.  It is hard not to have her here...my heart is broken. I love Leanne greatly and therefore I grieve deeply.   So I ask you to give me some grace...and just love me.  Don't tell me you understand unless you too have lost a child.  Don't tell me that once the fog lifts that I will be OK.  This is not a weather pattern and will not lift.  I will continue to cling to Jesus and the HOPE that He offers.

     Even though my heart is breaking and tears cloud my eyes and run down my cheeks, God gives me something worth trusting in these tough times.  And that's Him and Him alone. When my heart is breaking I can place my hope and trust in the Lord.  Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache.  Instead it supports me in the middle of the ache.  Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit.  The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain.

Be Strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD - Psalm 31:24

Hugs and Love,

Fran