Here is Ryan's story:
God’s Plan
As we neared the end of our senior year in college and were
starting to look for “real” jobs, Leanne would always say that God has a plan
for our lives and we just need to trust him.
From then on, every time something didn’t go according to our plans for
our lives, she would keep reminding me that God has a plan that is bigger and
better than anything we could plan for ourselves. It’s easy to say that when you don’t get the
job you wanted and you are in a long distance relationship, but at least you
get to see each other every weekend. Or
when you do get married, but each have to drive an hour to get to work each day
in opposite directions. But when you
hear the words “This is cancer” when you are so excited to be starting a
family and all that goes along with that, saying and believing that God has a
bigger and better plan for our lives is much, much, much harder to do.
It is easy to look back and see all of the ways that God was
working in our lives and our relationship from the very beginning. From coordinating busy schedules in college,
to a two year long distance relationship, to getting married but each having
long commutes, to bringing us to Life Church in Fergus where the people there
took us in like family when we didn’t know anyone, to taking Financial Peace
University classes to set us up to be debt free even though Leanne had cancer,
to placing people in our lives that would and will support us no matter what,
to moving to the Twin Cities for better medical care, to keeping Leo safe and
healthy even though he came into this world much differently than we had
planned, to placing me in my current job that is awesome and that has allowed
me to go to appointments with Leanne and do whatever I needed to do to take
care of her. I could go on and on, but
you get the idea.
Through all of that, Leanne still never wavered in her faith
or in reminding me that God has a plan. Now,
as we go on with our lives on earth without her physically here with us, I am
continually reminded that God does have a plan.
Even though it looks nothing like what I had planned for our lives about
4 years ago. The last year has gone by
so fast and to be honest, the first few months are a blur. Many of you have shared stories about how
Leanne impacted your lives in one way or another. Leanne was never shy about talking about God
or telling people what he had done in her life.
She was an inspiration to many, including myself, and I believe that God
placed her in all of our lives to teach us what it means to be a faithful,
trusting, loving, and caring person.
I’ve had several people ask me if I’m angry or mad at God
for taking Leanne from me at such a young age.
I haven’t really been sure how to answer that question and honestly I
still don’t know how to answer it but I will give it a shot. I can’t be mad that the cyst she found was
originally diagnosed as a cyst and nothing to be worried about, because if it
was diagnosed as cancer at that time we wouldn’t have Leo. I can’t be mad that she got cancer, because
it not only brought her an I closer together, it brought our families much
closer together. I can’t be angry that
she died because I know that she had Jesus in her heart and that she is in
Heaven. I can’t be angry that she is no
longer in pain and no longer suffering here on Earth. I can’t be mad about the friendships and
support that we have gained over the last 3 ½ years. And I definitely cannot be mad about the way
Leanne taught me to trust in God above all else and to know that he does have a
plan that is bigger and better than anything we can plan for ourselves.
I’m not saying that every day is a great day or even that any
day is a great day by any means. What I
know is that we have God on our side, he will lead us through anything that he
has planned for us and he will continue to provide for us in ways that I cannot
explain. I also know that God has given
me the responsibility to raise Leo without Leanne here and he will continue to
put people in place to help me raise him up to know God.
Fran shared a blog with me recently that does a great job of
summing up how I feel about the “firsts” without Leanne. This man lost his wife just a few weeks ago
to cancer. I’m not going to go into
great detail and pretend that I came up with this on my own, so you can check
out the post at http://www.mundanefaithfulness.com/home/2015/5/6/firsts
. My favorite part of it is when he
says, “I needed to know that I could fumble through this, that I would do okay.
That I could process through decisions without her input. I needed to know that
whatever we as a family decided to do was okay.” For as much as Leanne didn’t like to make
decisions about certain things for our family and would tell me that she
trusted my decision, it was still easier making that decision with her input
and opinion. After reading this blog post,
I realized that whatever decision we make is ok.
I am so thankful that God placed Leanne in my life and how
he has pieced everything together since.
I know I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith or in parenting today
without her influence. I am also very
thankful for the White family and for all that they do to help out with Leo and
to take care of us. I am thankful for my
family and for all the help and support they have provided us as well. Finally, I am thankful for all of the
conversations, messages, emails, texts, phone calls, and cards that we have
received over the last year from all of Team Chin. Knowing that Leanne had an impact for God on
so many people has made this a little bit easier.
I am also very thankful for all of your prayers. I do have a few prayer requests to share.
- Pray that Leo would understand what happened and for the right words to explain it to him
- Pray for continued peace for our families
- Pray for my mom as she has begun her own battle and treatments against breast cancer
