Grief

On May 20th, we were dumped in the middle of a marathon-like journey. A journey we had never trained for. A journey we had never acknowledged we had the possibility of embarking on. But, we didn't get a choice. God, in all his sovereignty, chose our family for the journey of grief. He knew the time, date, and circumstances in which our family would join this long road of grief. It was not a surprise to Him. But it sure was to us.

I wish I could say that we have just kept claiming the promises of God and it has been a great journey thus far. But I would be lying. 

Grief has been messy. Even ugly at times. 

While the world around us continues to wrestle with war, terrorism, social injustice, disease, racism, evil, hatred, etc just to name a few, we are just trying to get out of bed each morning. We are just clinging to the simple promise that "God will never leave us or forsake us." (Deuteronomy 31:6) 

When we are tempted to think 10 years, 5 years, or even 5 months down the road trying to imagine the future without Leanne, we are just clinging to the promise that God will be with us then.

When we are wondering how we will ever explain to Leo that his mom died when he was just 2 years old and that God is still good, we are just clinging to the promise that God will be with us then.

When we are awake in the middle of the night dealing with intense anger at the fact that we will never get Leanne back, we are just clinging to the promise that God is with us.

When we are walking the road of grief with someone whose loss is fresh and immensely painful, we are just clinging to the promise that God will be with us then.

When we are longing for heaven more than we are longing to stay in this world full of suffering, we are just clinging to the promise that God will be with us then. 

When we are overcome with emotion trying to figure out how to respond when Leo says "Please take mommy's coat off. She will need it when she gets back from heaven", we are just clinging to the promise that God is with us.

When we are walking the breast cancer road again with our GGP (Fran's mom) within two months of Leanne's death, and wanting to cry out to God about how unfair it is, we are just clinging to the promise that God will be with us again.

God is with us. It doesn't feel warm and fuzzy right now. Sometimes it doesn't even feel tangible. But we saw how God faithfully walked with us every single step of the way from October 11, 2011 to May 20, 2014. And we have no doubt that He will not leave us.

In a Bible study my mom and sisters and I are doing, I read a quote about how we don't get through something hard because we are strong, we get through it because we are full of faith. There has not been a single moment in this journey of grief that I have felt strong. And I doubt I will feel that way any time soon. But the Bible says that "His power is made perfect in our weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9) and I have never been more thankful for that. We can be weak (in our grief) so God's power can be made perfect. Now that is something I can have faith in! 

Please keep praying for us. We need it! Here are some specifics:

• For our GGP: She has breast cancer and is having a single mastectomy on Thursday August 21. Please pray that surgery is successful and that the Dr's would get all the cancer the first time. Please pray for peace for my GGP and my entire extended family.
• Continued good sleep for Leo
• Peace for Ryan and Leo
• Healthy and God honoring grief for Ryan, Leo and our family

All good blog posts have pics :) So here are some of Leo's night at the Twins Game!

 

 

 If you ever have any questions about our faith and would like more info, please email us at teamchinny@gmail.com and we would love to talk more.